I was chatting with my Nintendo rep the other day an he mentioned that Photo Fighter X (Photo Dojo in JP) will drop on May 10th. Cool. That's tomorrow. It's also going to be FREE for a limited time, which is fantastic! Make sure you all get on that.

I'm positive this will be on the main page tomorrow, but I figured I'd just drop this here so all of you can leave comments like "This is old" or "Yesterday's news". The editors really like those. ;)

If you don't know what the hell I'm talking about, then watch THIS!

I was sitting here at my computer wondering what the Monthly Musing might be for May and I had a scary thought. Did this monthly feature end when Burch left? I sure hope not because I look forward to my monthly assignment.

If someone doesn't step up and announce something by the 10th, I'm going to take it over. Just throwing that out there.

...and winning.



It's been a wild night. I'm two beers in and I've been dominating some SSFIV. I've never had a really been much into Street Fighter. I've respected it. I've played it. But I've never been all that good.

Not tonight. Tonight I'm awesome. Tonight I'm a champion.



Maybe I've just hit my stride. Or maybe I've found the right character. Either way, I'm feeling it tonight.

Have you ever had one of those nights? A night that reinvigorates your passion for games? I....don't know what I'm saying.

^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^

Thanks for putting this together babe!

Now I just have to write some blogs that are worthy of such a sweet banner....

Fap for love!

Too often I get to the end of a year, look back, and realize that I have no idea what happened. I have vowed to not let that happen in 2010. This is basically an extension of a game diary that I started at the beginning of the year. I take that back; it's a journal. Girls write diaries. I've also thrown in purchasing suggestions if you're on the fence about any games on this small list. Feel free to chime in with your own opinions or turn me on to a game I may have missed. Enjoy.

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Darksiders
Xbox 360

-I wish more games would copy the Zelda formula. The graphics were a bit little bit WoW, but if you ignore the screen-tearing they were pretty good. I chose to play this instead of Bayonetta and I still think I made the right choice. The art style reminded me of the stuff I drew when I was a pre-teen. Everything was a monster, demon, or a mutant. My sketch book was pretty rad back then.

BUY IT IF: You're a fan of the Zelda formula and you find it for less than $30.

AVOID IT IF: You loved Bayonetta and you've matured beyond the mentality of an 11 year old.

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Canabalt
iPhone

-This is the first game I purchased for my iPhone, even though I swore to myself that phones weren't a gaming platform. I love the simplicity of the one touch mechanic. I don't have to pretend like I'm pressing a button that isn't there and I don't have to pay attention to where my finger is. Thanks! It's a game that works flawlessly on the iPhone, which simply isn't true for most games that are crammed onto it's restricted format.

BUY IT IF: You've got $3, and iPhone, and a love of brutally hard platformers.

AVOID IT IF: You play it for free on Kongregate.com.

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Mass Effect 2
Xbox 360

-What can I say that hasn't already been said? You know this game is equal parts awesome and amazing. Personally, I welcomed the "dumbing down" of it's RPG mechanics because it made the game play so damn smooth. I didn't have to spend time on a menu screen every time I picked something up just to check if it was better than what I had. I would agree that it was more action than RPG, and I am cool with that. The Paragon/Renegade quick trigger segments were just plain neato. Every game sequel should take note of the save file migration featured in this game. It's the future.

BUY IT IF: You loved the first game and....what am I saying? You already bought this.

AVOID IT IF: You require your RPG's to be poorly translated and rely on menu-driven combat.

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No More Heroes 2: Desperate Struggle
Wii

-I have a serious love for the first game. Serious. This sequel did not disappoint me at all. It had everything I loved about the first game and it was easier to play! Gone was the empty city. Gone were the entry fees for assassination missions. Gone were the horrible jobs that you were required to do just to progress the story. Suda 51 is slowly becoming a great game designer yet he's keeping his wonderful insanity that made even his bad games endearing.

BUY IT IF: You have a thirst for bloody humor slathered with weirdness.

AVOID IT IF: You're uptight and snobbish.

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The Misadventures of P.B. Winterbottom
Xbox Live Arcade

-This is one of those arcade titles for which I skipped the demo. I just chose the 'purchase' option without a second thought. I burned through the story in just under a few hours, but it's cool. The meat and potatoes of this game are the time trials. I've easily spent 10's of hours on them alone and I'm sure I'll continue to play them. Part of this is that some of my times are being beaten and I have to reclaim my glory. I'm surprised more games don't copy the silent film style. It's wonderful.

BUY IT IF: You are intrigued by the combination of Charlie Chaplin and Braid.

AVOID IT IF: You demand color and voice acting in your games.

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Bioshock 2
Xbox 360

-Meh. I tried to keep my expectations low, but perhaps they could have been lower. Like most reviewers have said; Bioshock didn't need a sequel. It certainly didn't need multiplayer. I can't blame 2K for wanting to cash in on such a wonderful game but I think I would have taken a different route if I was the man in charge. That route would have been similar to what Valve did with Half-Life. I would have waited like 6 years and blown everyone's mind. Just sayin'.

BUY IT IF: You just have to see what happened after the first game.

AVOID IT IF: You like games that are so good they don't need sequels.

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Battlefield Bad Company 2
Xbox 360

-Can we just stop putting campaigns in these games? That aside, the multiplayer in this game is great. It's not a kill-streak-laden-testosterone-fest (I'm not pointing fingers) but rather a beautiful symphony of bullets and explosions. I love the fact that you can be an important part of the team as long as you play your role well. Wether you're a great pilot, a sneaky sniper, a (bastard) medic or a demolition expert: there's a place for you somewhere. Maybe it's just me, but I kind of like the intimacy of a 4-man team.

BUY IT IF: You like being part of a team and completing objectives.

AVOID IT IF: You feel vehicles and destructible environments just get in the way of the killin'.

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Pokemon Heart Gold
DS

-It's kind of cool that I never played the original Gold or Silver because it makes this so-called 'remake' a brand new game! I'm currently ignoring most of my games I need to play because I'm addicted. There is something magical behind the old fashion game mechanics that Pokemon is built upon. Perhaps it has something to do with being able to customize a team of 6 by choosing from hundreds of possible characters. I don't know what it is exactly, but they nailed it and they haven't changed it much since.

BUY IT IF: You like to enslave creatures in balls and have them battle for you.

AVOID IT IF: You think Pokemon is based on the cartoon.

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Cave Story
WiiWare

-This is another one of those situations in which I didn't play the original. Thusly, I have no complaints! This game hits me in all the right spots. Cute sprites. Wicked music. Tight gameplay. Many great games have combined these elements and this game is no exception. Within those building blocks hides a surprisingly touching and heart-breaking story. It's something that caught me off guard but kept me playing until the end. The branching weapon paths encourage multiple playthroughs, which a lot of games forget to do.

BUY IT IF: You have a soft spot for a time when gaming was simple and beautiful.

AVOID IT IF: You're a soul-less graphics whore.

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That's all. I'm sorry for the lack of pictures but I wanted to keep this as short as I could. From the looks of it, I'll have a busy month in May with Lost Planet 2, Red Dead Redemption, Super Mario Galaxy 2 and Skate 3 all coming out in quick succession. Now, back to the Kanto region to enslave the elusive Larvitar.

Sex is great! Fantastic! I'm not the first to admit that. It's wonderful when two people wink, shake hands and agree to rub their bodies together for the simple enjoyment of making one another feel good. Perhaps they're even expressing their love. Sex is a lovely way to do that. I'll spare everyone the history lesson, but needless to say, it's been going on for a long time and it has it's purpose.

Now what do you get when you take something like sex and use it for means other than expressing feelings of love or makin' the babies? Movies use it all the time to increase ticket sales, often showing two actors locking lips or removing each other's clothing in the advertisement of the film. Who doesn't get excited when [hot actress] finally decides to disrobe and do a nude scene? Even T.V. shows get in on the action assuming you pony up the cash for the premium channels. I would argue that these scenes never really amount to more than some side boob and man-ass, but I'm sure there are some genuinely sweet moments caught on film.

Sex, as it tends to do, has even found it's way into my favorite hobby: videogames.

I recently watched my hero Travis Touchdown go all the way. Sylvia, who I thought was unattainable and would simply remain as his jerk-off material, simply shows up at one point in the game and gives Travis exactly what he wants. Good for him, I guess, but I was disappointed. Maybe I just preferred the 'carrot-on-a-string' method that Sylvia used to get Travis to do what she wanted. Maybe I liked to watch Travis try way too hard to earn her affections only to get swatted down time after time. It's often the chase that's more interesting than the catch.

Too much of a good thing is usually bad. Everything in moderation, right? For instance, I love bacon. I would do just about anything for a salty strip of that lovely meat. It is truly the pinnacle of foods. I treasure the quiet moments of indulgence that I share with an incredibly well-prepared strip of bacon. What if game companies knew that I loved bacon and chose to use that as a marketing tool? How far would they go to include it in their games?

We would end up with Kratos, wet with the blood of his freshly slain enemies, walking into a room and eyeing a plate with two freshly cooked strips of bacon lain across it. Just as he kneels down to feast upon these two lovely strips, the camera would pan off to the side and you would play a QTE sequence in order to chew and swallow. Lame. Hardly anything like the real experience of enjoying each delicious bite.

We would end up with Commander Shepard preparing his team for the inevitable suicide mission to save the galaxy. Just before he gets ready to give the signal to jump into the Omega 4 Relay, he hears something sizzling behind him. He turns to look and he's greeted by a strip of hot, salty bacon that has somehow found it's way into his personal quarters. After some careful dialog choices, the bacon strip offers itself to Shepard's stomach and we're left with an out of focus shot of Shepard chewing and nodding happily. Also, not nearly as satisfying as the real thing.

We would end up with Travis Touchdown watching the Food Network with his pants around his ankles only to be interrupted by someone ringing his doorbell. Who could it be? Oh, it's just the best strip of bacon he's ever seen. The strip that he's been killing countless other assassins to impress. The strip he's always wanted to chew but never thought he could afford. This strip just shows up and basically drags him to the kitchen, offering up it's succulent body for his greedy consumption. Almost too easy.

Since, for me, bacon is the end-all, be-all ultimate foodgasm, it's easy for game companies to exploit. Soon enough Mario would leave the Mushroom Kingdom for the Bacon Empire and shack up with Princess Fatback. Donkey Kong would no longer search the jungle for bananas but would break into local butcher shops and steal their bacon supply. Link would be searching for the Master Strip. Megaman would simply change his name to Baconman. Niko would be seeking a nice, dark alley so he could enjoy his salty delight in peace, only to shoot it afterwards and get his money back. Bacon would just end up being the ultimate ace-in-the-hole. A way for game companies to instantly get my ears to perk up and my wallet to take notice.

Eventually, the excitement would wear off and I would expect more. I would begin to expect more explicit bacon content in my games. No longer would I except out of focus shots. I would want some close ups of the character's greasy lips chewing, with the camera panning down to watch the food slide down the throat. I would want scenes of massive bacon intake. I would demand P.O.V. bacon eating. Perhaps a fork and knife attachment for my Wii remote.

Basically, this is what sex has become. A cheap, easy way to get gamers excited. It's the new open-world environment. It's the new good/evil dialog choice. It's the new bullet-point on the back of the box. Sex is all but ruined for me and it hasn't even reached it's peak. We will continue to see more sex in games, and the only way for companies to stay relevant will be to one-up each other. It's a dark path that can only lead to ridiculous concepts like rape games and virtual girlfriends.

We already live in a world where sex is woven into every aspect of our daily lives. I can only hope that my theoretical bacon-drenched future isn't soon to follow.